You Were Exactly Wrong

Gordon Edes reported earlier today that the Manny to the Dodgers deal was dead.

Dubb, he said, have I got a little story for you
You thought that they would trade Manny? You're nothin' but a...
While you were checkin' boston.com at 3:13
I said they had stopped tryin'
Sorry it was misleadin'
But my source was wrong

Oh lies, oh, they're still alive
Hey, lies, oh, they're still alive
Hey lies, oh, they're still alive
Hey, oh

Oh, they talked on, about a young man's tools
They said they're ready to move

I didn't think the Sox would ever land Jason Bay
But look, look
Oh, trade Man Ram
How? I can't see, it's not fair!

Lies, they're still alive
Hey lies, but, they're still alive
Hey lies, boy, they're still alive
Hey lies, lies, they're still alive, yeah
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh

Is something wrong, he said
Well of course there is
They're still alive, he said
Oh, you believe him over me?
Is that the question?
And if so, trade LaRoche! For a cancer! Clubhouse cancer!

Lies, oh, they're still alive
Hey lies, oh, they're still alive
Hey lies, but, they're still alive
Yeah lies, oh, they're still alive
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Manny being MAN-RAM!!Game Report, 4/19/08 vs. Texas Rangers

I am going to start off by saying that I don’t have enough material for a blog this evening. However, Smarty Barrett and I did bring our handy blog notebooks so that we wouldnt misremember any events of the evening. Maybe it’s the fact that I was too drunk or that my gut tells me there was not enough notable events that happened. In addition I was really pissed when we arrived at the Rattlesnake and I realized that I had misremembered my copy of mid-game entertainment, Adult Mad Libs.

I am thoroughly socially lubricated by the time we finish the walk to Fenway from Rattlesnake to arrive 20 minutes after the game's start. This is a long walk up Boylston, down Ipswich and then down to Gate C on Landsdowne street. We should have taken the T, but my stubbornness forces this longer inefficient journey.

The South African Perspective on Baseball
We have a last minute scratch to our lineup due to frustration and traffic around Fenway. So we invite a South African known as The Professor. Being a righteous American, I don’t know what sports they play in South Africa, nor do I really care. Although I think they like cricket.
Before getting to the game, The Professor states “You can’t blame me if I fall asleep.” Obviously, he has as much respect for the sports we enjoy in this country as I would if put in the opposite position. During mid game, I further inquire with The Professor for his perspective on baseball. He states “I think there is enough beer at the stadium to make it interesting.” I ask him to compare baseball to cricket. The Professor exclaims, “It is just as boring as cricket, but at least in cricket the guys don’t wear tight pants.”

This game was far from boring. I make the journey to the upper bleachers to check in with Smarty Barrett. In my drunken state, only one event stands out as noteworthy - Manny’s 496th home run. During this monster blast, I guess I somehow manage to kick over HzMLS's beer. Manny saves the day again this week with this mammoth round tripper. No matter what anyone says about Manny’s quirks, he is one of the greatest right handed hitters to have ever played the game and thankfully, he is on the Sox.

Smarty Barrett and HzMLS’s upper bleacher seats are right next to the Dunkin Dugout. I kid with them earlier inquiring “How is the Dunkin Dugout?” As much as I might kid about the Dunkin Dugout, it is a very worthy pursuit. Tonight the Plummer Home for Boys in Salem, MA give 24 tickets to their under-privileged boys to take in the game in this section at Fenway. Please note: Smarty Barrett and HzMLS were not actually in the Dunkin Dugout. They do have Dunkin Donuts shirts on that were 3 sizes too big. And yes, this is proof that America (or at least Massachusetts) really does run on Dunkin.

Some other notable random observations from last nights game:

• The Bruins win and fans break into a USA chant at the game. A fan with a Habs jersey is razzed; The Professor has profound misgivings about whether or not to join along in the chant.
  
• The fans behind me sound like dying Tauntauns.


• There is a guy with a Titleist cap with the Yankees logo on the side. This guy is gay to be that non-committal to his team.


• There was a bachelorette party at the park. This “Red Sox Bride” has a Sox tattoo on her face. I find bachelor or bachelorette parties at Fenway to be rather boring. Go to a strip club or something....


• A fan screams out “Botts smells like butts!”


• This guy in a Varitek jersey in front of us with earrings in both ears tries to start the wave. Extreme gayness ensues. (To our readers: what is the male equivalent of a Vari-dyke?)
  
• A fan in section 38 has a sign that says "JACOBY’S BIGGEST FAN." This “Windtalking” Navajo has certainly become the crush of many a teenage girl around the park.
  

I apologize to readers for peddling brevity. I will have more on Marathon Monday as the Red Sox take on the Texas Rangers for the final game of the series. Stay tuned.