Who Is Heidi Watney?

Well, since you asked...

Heidi Watney is the wicked hot new Sox reporter replacement for Tina Cervasio.

Here is what we know about Heidi so far: 

According to our friends at Red Sox Monster, she was let go from a FOX affiliate station in California for undisclosed reasons. I will not go into any rumors here. She was a sports reporter with Fox in San Fran. who followed last years Barry Bonds home run chase. Apparently, her agent came across the NESN spot and let her know about the opportunity here in Boston. She has been in the position for a few weeks and has done a pretty decent job. I am not sure exactly how much she knows about sports, but she is certainly more than mid-inning eye candy.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to chat live with Heidi Watney with about 40 other Sox fans over the interweb.

Here are the questions I asked:

ejectedfan (12:20): What would you define as the greatest sports moment of all time?
Heidi Watney (12:21): Right now, I'm still thinking about the Jon Lester no-hitter. There are so many great moments in sports it's really hard to pick one, but I really got caught up in the Red Sox run to the 2004 World Series, because of everything the franchise has been through. It was really special to witness history.

ejectedfan (12:25): Who is your favorite baseball player of all time?
Heidi Watney (12:26): Trevor Hoffman. He is a very nice, philanthropic man. And one of the greatest closers of all time. His class on the field and in the community is something everyone can admire.

ejectedfan (12:49): What band would you like to see play Fenway Park?
Heidi Watney (12:50): I like all kinds of music, but I really like Daughtry right now -- really I'd go see just about anyone!

This should give you a little bit of insight into Heidi. I am not really sure about her taste in music. Daughtry? Please. You can't lump American Idol into music you like, but it seems like the PC answer. Here is what else we know about Heidi: She was Miss San Diego. She graduated from university of San Diego in 2003. She is single, but claims to be "married to her job". Her cousin is professional golfer Nick Watney. Her father Mike coaches golf for Fresno State. She grew up rooting for the San Francisco Giants and is frustrated with the perfomance of Barry Zito as of late. Heidi participated in gymnastics, diving and cheer squad growing up, but claims to be uncoordinated. She enjoys being active and walking her dog, which she had to leave behind in California.

I think Watney is a great addtion to the NESN team and I look forward to seeing Heidi in Sox games for years to come. I think she has a stellar career ahead of her.

You can read the entire transcript from the chat on NESN.com.

I AM A PATRIOT, You are not! Patriots Day 2008Game Report, 4/21/08 vs. Texas Rangers

Our Marathon Monday Trek to Fenway Park starts off at 9:30 AM on the roof deck of the famed Baseball Tavern. I chug beer while Zeitgeist downs Pineapple Juice with Rum to follow up his morning Caucasian Coffee. It’s a beautiful day and what better place to enjoy it than on top of a roof deck behind Fenway? It is the perfect excuse to get trashed prior to the noon bell.

We exit the Baseball tavern at about 10:40 and head to CVS so that Zeitgeist may purchase smokes. As we pass Ramrod's, Zeitgeist exclaims “Damn! Ramrod’s is closed!” to the chagrin of passersby. There is a face painting and balloon making clown at the entrance of CVS. She seems very nice, but has no customers and not exactly an outgoing personality. I tell her that I am too old to participate in her activities, which lets her down a great deal. She attempts to solicit other fans outside of CVS, but to no avail. This CVS has about as much traffic as a whore house after a syphilis epidemic.

As we continue towards the park to Gate B, we encounter a man named Curry. I'm pretty sure he is homeless. Curry has a traffic cone that he uses as a megaphone. Currently he is expounding on the greatness of sausage from the sausage vendor near gate B. Zeitgeist teaches him Italian, “Il Migiliore Salsaice,” and Curry then yells this through the megaphone. The fans in the general area have WTF looks on their faces. By the way, what the hell is up with HE-MAN sized version Ted Williams statue outside of Gate B? I can understand a statue, but why not make it real looking? It is reminiscent of the Second Generation Star Wars figures where they some how try to make Mark Hamill look like Lou Ferrigno.

There are some many beautiful scantily clad women throughout the park today. The biggest buzzkill of the day happens when two incredibly hot chicks sit next to the ejected fan. As it turns out many times in the bleachers at Fenway, they are confused and are supposed to be in section 38, not 37. I toy with the idea of sending Biggs and Dak to section 38 in exchange for these two beautiful specimens.

Zeitgeist is in rare form today - certainly the most intoxicated I have seen him in a while. He is also a stalker with his newly purchased Olympus 5X Zoom Camera. Zeitgeist proceeds to take ass shots of random women throughout the ballpark on "cuisine" setting. Thankfully Zeitgeist fails to get a picture of this larger chick in front of us with a Papelbon shirt. When I say "chick," I'm just being politically correct because this Papelbon fanatic only loosely resembles a woman. During the 3rd inning her shirt rides up to reveal the most disgusting use of a G-String I have seen in my lifetime.

The game got out of hand early for the visiting team and forced us to go smoking on Yawkey way. Zeitgeist had just purchased a new Cooperstown Collection Sox Cap from the Souvenir store. This cap appears to be similar to most other Sox caps except for the exceptional circumference. Fans on Yawkey way proceed to get photos of themselves in this monsterous melon cover. One fan exclaims “I can bail out a boat with this,” while another states “Dude, I got an XL hat on” as he wears one cap on top of the other.

There were a couple of firsts of the season at today's ballgame. We see the first successful Wave at Fenway this season. I guess it had to get warm enough before the wave would appear. We also witness the first appearance of the season for the Manny Delcarmen Bullpen band. The MDC band played some funky African rhythms. Had The Professor been there today, he would have thoroughly enjoyed.

A few notable random observations from today’s game:

• As I make the journey from Yawkey way back to the bleachers through the grandstand section of Fenway, this girl runs up to the top rail of the grandstands in section 4 and does a flip over the railing. I am pretty certain she has hurt herself when I see this happen. Amazingly, she lands in a seat unscathed with all vertebrae intact. I asked her friend what she calls this acrobatic feat and she says “The JESSICA SUPER REVERSE CLOUGH!”



• This chick entering Gate B of Fenway says in the thickest Dorchester/Southie Accent: “THIS IS BOOOOOSTON!!!!” After hearing that, I know it is gonna be a good day.
  


• These fans behind me look like the Gottis…They proceed to razz a confused fan with an LA Dodgers hat and Brewers Ryan Braun jersey. Yet another fan who is confused and very non-committal, he states he is a fan of baseball and shows them his Sox jacket.

To be continued... Stay Tuned for our next update from Fenway on May 3rd....

Sox are Rubber Game Winners thanks to a little KY: ESPN Game of the Week!Game Report, 4/13/08 vs. New York Yankees

We start our evening off at the famous Legal Seafood Restaurant at the Prudential. As far as this internet publication is concerned, Legals is the best seafood restaurant in the world. Jumpstreet orders Lobster bake. The waitress offers to put his bib on for him. After initially declining, he gives in and subsequently finds himself attracted to her bib-fitting skills. In a show of manliness, he fails to finish his meal. Approximately $15 worth of shellfish remain. The bib would remain on Jumpstreet for most of the evening as a badge of honor.
Zeitgeist orders 3 samples of port. As he sips the port, he decides to take a photograph for our readers. Zeit's camera has several different settings - auction, document, cuisine, etc. He demonstrates the various settings by taking several shots with Port as the subject. Below is a photo of port on auction mode. I would place top bid for that.

A hot waitress stands next to Jumpstreet while she takes the order at another table. Jumpstreet turns, spies her buttocks, and exclaims “Oh Boy.” Zeitgeist suggests taking a photo. Jump agrees with the stipulation that the “cuisine” setting should be used.

Tonight is Rich Gedman Bobblehead night at Fenway. The first 15,000 fans in attendance tonight receive a Rich Gedman Bobblehead doll thanks to sponsor Girls Gone Wild. These highly sought after bobbleheads have already appeared on Ebay for an asking price of $300 plus. On a side note Girls Gone Wild is heavily promoting their new Girls Gone Wild: “Finally 18” DVDs. GGW have invested in new advertisement space on the Green Monster for this promotion.

HzMLS’s experience at fenway was significantly upgraded when a beautiful youg coed sits down next to him. Most likely a talent from Girls Gone Wild, HzMLS adds that she smells heavenly. The women to our left are hit upon by an extremely drunk man who tries to pick them up with stories of diaper changes and a sore colon (not to be confused with the Red Sox disabled list, which also contains a sore Colon).

The discussion of the night turns to Conigliaro’s Corner, the scene of recent gang style stabbings. Beware of this section of Fenway after dark. A fan was thrown off the top of Congliaro’s corner during the second game of the season, reminiscent of the death of Maude Flanders in the heart touching Simpsons Episode: Alone Again, Natura-Diddly. Fans can thank Jumpstreet for making several arrests and a sweep of the area during the seventh inning stretch.

The highlight of the evening was HzMLS viewing of an interesting text from a guy who was seated directly in front of him. The text said “that’s for later. the ky is on the nightstand and ready.”

Earlier in the evening the ejected fan purchased a copy of Mad Libs. We proceed to start the vociferous word game using such nouns as: nightstands, ecstasy beads, wiffle ball bat and sphincter…. The gentleman in front of us feigned being unphased by our display of vocabulary. The KY man left shortly there after to start his own "rubber* game" in the alligator lagoon*. This is the copy of Mad Libs for your enjoyment from the game last evening.

Some other interesting observations from last nights game:
ESPN SIGN that would have been more appropriate on Native American Night :
ELLSBURY:
SPEED
POWER
NAVAJO

Whitney Houston is in attendance in the bleachers. Following shortly behind her is Frank Farmer and Bobby Brown. It appears that Bobby has spent most of her fortune, however she is still nicely dressed for the bleacher section at Fenway.

There is a girl with a Rhinestone “BLING” Cap on who proceeds to spill her beer, drenching ½ dozen fans in front of her. Holding her beer at a 45 degree angle, she announces, “I smoke a lot of weed!” She begins a cell phone conversation, and HzMLS bets that she will drop her cell phone. 2 seconds later the cell phone falls to the cement below.

Mathematician dubbschism uses an advanced mathematic equation to accurately determine the attendance at Fenway Park. Or maybe he just guessed, “IT‘S C!!”

The Ejected Fan purchased a bag of Cracker Jack. The prize inside was a retarded version of a “Mad Fold In” with a history lesson worthy of the Dunkin Dugout.

A fan in front of us posits that “Molina” is Spanish for "catcher." Every team has a Molina.

All in all, Sunday's game was decent. The other KY went 2-3 with 2 RBIs to help the cause. A-Rod went 0-5. What more could you ask for? See you next week…..

*Warning: KY Jelly will deteriorate latex.