Monday, April 14, 2008

Sox are Rubber Game Winners thanks to a little KY: ESPN Game of the Week!

Game Report, 4/13/08 vs. New York Yankees

We start our evening off at the famous Legal Seafood Restaurant at the Prudential. As far as this internet publication is concerned, Legals is the best seafood restaurant in the world. Jumpstreet orders Lobster bake. The waitress offers to put his bib on for him. After initially declining, he gives in and subsequently finds himself attracted to her bib-fitting skills. In a show of manliness, he fails to finish his meal. Approximately $15 worth of shellfish remain. The bib would remain on Jumpstreet for most of the evening as a badge of honor.
Zeitgeist orders 3 samples of port. As he sips the port, he decides to take a photograph for our readers. Zeit's camera has several different settings - auction, document, cuisine, etc. He demonstrates the various settings by taking several shots with Port as the subject. Below is a photo of port on auction mode. I would place top bid for that.

A hot waitress stands next to Jumpstreet while she takes the order at another table. Jumpstreet turns, spies her buttocks, and exclaims “Oh Boy.” Zeitgeist suggests taking a photo. Jump agrees with the stipulation that the “cuisine” setting should be used.

Tonight is Rich Gedman Bobblehead night at Fenway. The first 15,000 fans in attendance tonight receive a Rich Gedman Bobblehead doll thanks to sponsor Girls Gone Wild. These highly sought after bobbleheads have already appeared on Ebay for an asking price of $300 plus. On a side note Girls Gone Wild is heavily promoting their new Girls Gone Wild: “Finally 18” DVDs. GGW have invested in new advertisement space on the Green Monster for this promotion.

HzMLS’s experience at fenway was significantly upgraded when a beautiful youg coed sits down next to him. Most likely a talent from Girls Gone Wild, HzMLS adds that she smells heavenly. The women to our left are hit upon by an extremely drunk man who tries to pick them up with stories of diaper changes and a sore colon (not to be confused with the Red Sox disabled list, which also contains a sore Colon).

The discussion of the night turns to Conigliaro’s Corner, the scene of recent gang style stabbings. Beware of this section of Fenway after dark. A fan was thrown off the top of Congliaro’s corner during the second game of the season, reminiscent of the death of Maude Flanders in the heart touching Simpsons Episode: Alone Again, Natura-Diddly. Fans can thank Jumpstreet for making several arrests and a sweep of the area during the seventh inning stretch.

The highlight of the evening was HzMLS viewing of an interesting text from a guy who was seated directly in front of him. The text said “that’s for later. the ky is on the nightstand and ready.”

Earlier in the evening the ejected fan purchased a copy of Mad Libs. We proceed to start the vociferous word game using such nouns as: nightstands, ecstasy beads, wiffle ball bat and sphincter…. The gentleman in front of us feigned being unphased by our display of vocabulary. The KY man left shortly there after to start his own "rubber* game" in the alligator lagoon*. This is the copy of Mad Libs for your enjoyment from the game last evening.

Some other interesting observations from last nights game:
ESPN SIGN that would have been more appropriate on Native American Night :

Whitney Houston is in attendance in the bleachers. Following shortly behind her is Frank Farmer and Bobby Brown. It appears that Bobby has spent most of her fortune, however she is still nicely dressed for the bleacher section at Fenway.

There is a girl with a Rhinestone “BLING” Cap on who proceeds to spill her beer, drenching ½ dozen fans in front of her. Holding her beer at a 45 degree angle, she announces, “I smoke a lot of weed!” She begins a cell phone conversation, and HzMLS bets that she will drop her cell phone. 2 seconds later the cell phone falls to the cement below.

Mathematician dubbschism uses an advanced mathematic equation to accurately determine the attendance at Fenway Park. Or maybe he just guessed, “IT‘S C!!”

The Ejected Fan purchased a bag of Cracker Jack. The prize inside was a retarded version of a “Mad Fold In” with a history lesson worthy of the Dunkin Dugout.

A fan in front of us posits that “Molina” is Spanish for "catcher." Every team has a Molina.

All in all, Sunday's game was decent. The other KY went 2-3 with 2 RBIs to help the cause. A-Rod went 0-5. What more could you ask for? See you next week…..

*Warning: KY Jelly will deteriorate latex.

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