Monday, October 20, 2008

Matt Garza, Mr. Mucus

Did anyone else find Matt Garza's phlegm spitting with every pitch utterly disgusting last night? Matt Garza has my vote for ugliest creature to ever pitch a gem in an ALCS playoff game.

Matt, maybe you should try Mucinex before your World Series start....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Return of Scooter

Hey Kids, I am a knuckle ball. I fly at you at a whopping 50 MPH. When I am left up in the zone I get crushed over the green monster. When it's low let it go! When it's high let it fly! Evan Longoria and Erik Aybar know this.
You have a 50/50 chance of winning a ball game when I'm thrown. Tim Wakefield has made a career out of me…. But I am the KMART of pitches... A cheap alternative to a real pitch like a fastball, slider, curve, or change up.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Overuse to the max.

do you know which phrase, out of all the phrases in the world, that i hate the most? i'll give you a clue. Pedro Gomez (who apparently finally got to unglue his head from Barry Bonds' shrunken testicles) just said it on Sportscenter.

"This [Thursday's game 2 between the Cubbies and Trolley Dodgers] is a must-win game for the Cubs."

he (and i'd be willing to guess >80% of the sports reporters that say "must-win") is incorrect, since the NLDS is a five game series. the Cubs would like to win tomorrow, and it would greatly improve their chances of not LOSING the series, but, come on Pedro, isn't there a plausible situation in which the Cubs could lose game 2, but still win the series? like, maybe they lose game 2 but then sweep the remaining three games? did that contigency just completely elude you when you did the analysis of this series? or are you just not aware of the definition of the word "must" ?

let me help you out.

Definitions of must on the Web:

- a necessary or essential thing; "seat belts are an absolute must"

- grape juice before or during fermentation

- mustiness: the quality of smelling or tasting old or stale or mouldy

okay, maybe, MAYBE you meant that if the Cubs win tomorrow, they get to drink lots of grape juice that is on the verge of fermentation, and if that's the case, i deeply apologize for the aforementioned denigration of your reporting stylings. but otherwise, come on.