Wednesday, May 7, 2008

ESPN shocked to learn that LeBron James is not infallible

Smarty Barrett will occasionally blog outside of the common theme of baseball here at The Ejected Fan. Some of his off-topic discussions may include the NBA, the NFL, college basketball, reviews of the latest gangsta rap albums, and recaps from last night's episode of "America's Next Top Model." This is one of those times.

My alarm goes off at 6:15 AM Monday through Friday. I wake up, mosey on downstairs, throw on ESPN, and get ready. But today was not like any other Wednesday. I was excited. I didn't even listen to Dennis and Callahan on my clock radio long enough for them to use a racially insensitive term. I flew out of bed and ran downstairs like it was Christmas morning. I needed to see SportsCenter. Namely, I needed to see how they were going to spin the terrible performance of one LeBron James.

For those unaware, the Celtics played Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals last night against the LeBron James Cleveland Cavaliers. If you happened to miss LeBron's scoring line last night, here it is: 2-18 shooting, 0-6 from 3 pt. range, 12 pts, 9 reb, 9 asst, and 10 turnovers. For those of you further unfamiliar with SportsCenter, I can't even begin to describe how much they sweat LBJ. It is seriously insane. Sometimes they don't even mention the Cavs - just LeBron. Looking to see what Ben Wallace or Boobie (hehehehehehe....boobie) Gibson did in the game? Fat chance. I'd say a good 90% of Cavs highlights I saw this year showed LeBron exclusively. Meanwhile, the two anchors would wax on and on about how he is the greatest thing they have ever seen. Now don't get me wrong. LBJ is great. Amazing. Spectacular. One of the 3 best players in the league, if not the best. Love watching him play. I don't even mind when people compare him to Jordan. He's that good. HOWEVA, when the media elevates a guy so much and pumps you with so much hype that you can't even breathe, you start to wonder when he will fail. And what they will say when he does. Because the things they say on ESPN when talking about James are starting to get over-the-top. I mean, here's what I've heard this season:
  • LeBron James once had 11 assists in a 1-on-1 game.
  • One of LeBron James' dunks once gave a woman 16 consecutive orgasms.
  • The working title to Jeremy by Pearl Jam was "LeBron James."
  • LeBron James wrote and directed the series finale of M*A*S*H.
  • LeBron once spotted an opponent 8 points and beat him 21-6.
  • A behind-the-back pass from James immediately withdrew 2,000 troops from Iraq.
In all seriousness, it has gotten to the point where they have showered the guy with so much praise that it literally makes me sick to my stomach to hear anymore.

So that is why this morning was great. What would they say? Well, of course, when you endorse something that much, the only real thing you can do is make excuses. And it was great, let me tell you. You could almost hear them going through the 5 stages of grief. First they told viewers how there's no way LeBron is that bad. He will do better in Game 2, he has to. Then they talked about how he got hit hard every time he took it to the hole and he didn't get any calls! Those jerk officials! Then they promised never to mention his Game 1 performance again if he just comes up big in Game 2. That's when the second highlight film kicked in. The missed lay-up anchored this, whereupon they went back to the somber anchors in the studio. They recapped the night by re-reading LeBron's scoring line, and announcing the final score. Acceptance.

And I loved every minute of it.


ejected fan said...

It's not that I am a Lebron apologist, but Lebron is much better than last nights performance. Like Barkley and Webber said after the game, Jim Brown's crummy offensive strategy set Lebron up for failure. I think he will have a better night tomorrow night, but I think the Celts will too! And no mention of Ray Allen's 0 point performance. He is cold. He couldnt hit a 3 pointer if it was equivalent to the distance of a shot in that crappy basketball game at the Beacon Hill Pub.

dubbschism said...

i'm pretty sure the punching bag game in the Beacon Hill Pub has a picture of LBJ's face on it. dude gets hit more than a bong on the Cypress Hill tour bus.