1. Jacoby Ellsbury LF
2. Dustin Pedroia 2B
3. David Ortiz DH
4. Kevin Youkilis 1B
5. Mike Lowell 3B
6. J.D. Drew RF
7. Coco Crisp CF
8. Kevin Cash C
9. Alex Cora SS
1. Carlos Gomez CF
2. Matt Tolbert 2B
3. Joe Mauer C
4. Justin Morneau 1B
5. Michael Cuddyer RF
6. Craig Monroe DH
7. Delmon Young LF
8. Mike Lamb 3B
9. Adam Everett SS
P Nick Blackburn
Let's do this....
Players are rockin' the pink sweat bands for Mother's Day. Jacoby's got the pink bat as well. Ellsbury swings at the first pitch of the game and grounds to second. Let's see what Pedroia can do with his regular black bat. He can single to center after an 8-pitch at bat. 1 on for Ortiz. And he follows it up with a single of his own, right through the shift! Big Papi cares not for your shift. He says fuck shifts. Now the red-hot Yooooouuuuuuuk is up. And he whiffs on a heater. Fuck. 2 down for Lowell. And another audible screaming of "FUCK!" from Youk captured on live TV. A few weeks ago it was on NESN, now ESPN. Awesome. And Lowell K's as well. FUCK!
I am dying to hear Joe Morgan comment on the knuckleball. Gomez grounds to Cora for out number one. Back to Morgan...I fully expect him to label a pitch a "knuckle-cutter" or say "what was that pitch??" Matt Tolbert up. Also, who is Matt Tolbert? He's a switch-hitter, apparently. Miller and Morgan won't comment on this, but most switch hitters bat righty against Wakey. Not Tolbert. And he flies to center. Here's Mauer. Much more pink bats this year I'm noticing. Mauer cranks one to center, but Coco tracks it down. Showcase game! 1-2-3 inning for Timm-ayyy.
Joe Morgan hasn't really said anything stupid yet. You're letting me down, Joe! Drew swings at the first pitch too, jeez. Grounds to 2nd, 1 down. And Coco flies to center for out #2. Morgan is waxing poetic about Tito. And now they show Jacoby applying some eyedrops for some reason. Cash singles to right. Almost bounces over Cuddyer's head too. Gotta love artificial surface. And by love, I mean it's fucking awful. Cora with his first AB since coming off the DL. And he grounds to the mound. Hey, maybe I won't be tired for work tomorrow after all...this game is flying.
Morneau singles. I wish I had seen it, but ESPN came back from the break late. That is a super pet peeve of mine. Also, Miller pronounces Morneau's name weird! Isn't it More-NO, not MOR-no? Weird. Cuddyer cranks one down the LF line for a double. 2nd and 3rd no one out. Joe Morgan is saying something stupid. I wish I could explain it, but I have no idea what he's talking about. Rest assured, it was stupid. Joe Morgan is now explaining how infielders align based on if there is a right-handed batter versus a left-handed batter. Wow. Aaaand double wow. Monroe cranks a 3-run bomb to deep left. 3-0 Twinkies. To quote Kevin Youkilis...FUCK! Delmon grounds to 3rd. A lot a lot a lot of these pitches from Wakey are up in the zone. Not a good sign. And he walks Lamb with a high pitch. And Adam Everett blisters one to left. Ellsbury leaps and can't snag it. 2-run bomb, 5-0 Twins. Fuckin' hell Wakefield. This game is over before it started practically. "Ellsworth gave that a good try," according to Joe Morgan. Nice work, jackass. And now Gomez singles as the bullpen gets busy. Bat Shit getting loose. And Gomez steals second. This game is pretty much highlighting EVERYTHING that drives me nuts about Tim Wakefield. I love the guy, but games like this are just painful. And you can expect about 5 or so of them a year. Tools Tolbert for the K on a sick (and rare) curveball. 2 gone. Joe Morgan is talking about a knuckleball versus a curveball. What. the. fuck. is he talking about. Some babble about Joe Neikro, I have no idea. They should just put a dude with senility in the booth, it would be almost the same. He keeps commenting that baseball is unpredictable. Like over and over and over. It's the second inning, and you know you're gonna hear it like 10 more times. Mauer flies to center to end the horror show that was the bottom of the 2nd. 5-0 Twins after 2.
Still plenty of time here, fellas. I'd really like to see the Sox start taking a few more pitches though. Ellsbury squares to bunt and gets drilled on the..foot? No, the left knee. And he's down on the ground, hopefully not hurt. And after a bit he says he's OK and goes down to first. Weird play. He kind of came out of the box, he also may have offered at the pitch. Oh well, runner on first. And now Pedroia gets drilled right in the back! Craziness. Right between the 1 and the 5. As long as no one is getting hurt, we'll take it. Also, Morgan was just talking about the greatest bunter of his day, and maybe the greatest bunter ever! Surprisingly it was not Dave Concepcion (It was Rod Carew for inquiring minds). Both home runs were hit with pink bats, Jon Miller says. And now Ortiz hits a sinking liner to right that Cuddyer catches, then drops! Right against the ground, kind of went in and out of his glove, hard hit ball, and now the sacks are drunk with no outs. Very very very weird inning thus far. Now Youkie up. Let's make this a game again! And Youk lines out to 3rd, Lamb makes a great diving catch. Thankfully no one was doubled off. That was a rocket too. Damn. Lowell up, and by the time I typed it, it's already 0-2. They cannot blow this opportunity and come out of this with no runs. Lowell works it to 3-2, and then hits a soft line-out to right, and Ellsbury scores to make it 5-1 Twins. Great throw from Cuddyer, not many dudes would have scored on that, but Ellsbury has some wheels. Also, I love Jon Miller's "safe" call. If I were to write it out phonetically, it would be something like this: "SWWWHUUEEEEUUEAAAAAA!" Basically imagine the sound a 90-year old man with emphysema would make if you jumped on his chest. And Drew lines out softly to short. Fuck. Only 1 run after loading em up with no outs. 5-1 Twins.
MOR-no singles to center, and we miss it again. Fuck you, ESPN. Hoo-le-ON Tavarez warming, according to Miller. How about JOO-lee-in? No? Whatever you want, Jon Miller. And Wakey tools Cuddyer with a knuckler for the K, one down. And now a passed ball gets MOR-no to second. And Miller is lobbying for an exception on passed balls for knuckleball pitchers. A knuckle passed ball? Is he really suggesting a rule change? Man, how is Miller pissing me off more than Morgan tonight? Monroe ground to 3rd, no advance for MOR-no, 2 gone. Here's Delmon. And now a wild pitch on ball four gets MOR-no to 3rd, and of course Young down to first. Corners, 2 down for Lamb. And now a passed ball gets Young to second, but MOR-no stays at 3rd. Morgan claims Francona stood up as if he was going to pull Cash from the game. What? And then he says a pitch can't be a wild pitch if it doesn't bounce. Wow. Just....Wow. And now a nice stop by Cash on a knuckler. Oh my fucking god this wild pitch/passed ball/knuckleball discussion is going to drive me to eat gluten. And a single from Lamb gets 2 more runs in...7-1 Twins. And that's it for Wakefield. Also, I guess Morgan was saying that Tito was going to go out and get Wakefield, not Cash. In the middle of an AB? Really? Oh well, this game is fucked. Here comes Hoo-lee-ON. Read a media guide Miller, you fuck. The swears and frustration are going to start flying now, it's 7-1 and I'm pissed. My first live blog already going to shit. It's JOO-lee-an you miserable old fuck! And Everett flies out deep to left to end this painful inning. 7-1 Twins after 3.
99% of America and 95% of Red Sox Nation has changed the channel by now! Awesome. I may suspend this early, depending on how out of hand it gets. I don't want to be labeled the "bad-luck live-blogger of The Ejected Fan." Plus, I don't like that many hyphenated terms. Coco leading off here. And he starts it with a triple, very nice. A liner to left that takes a big turf hop over Delmon's head. Damn he is fast. And now Cash singles him home and it's 7-2 Twins. Well they get one run back rather quickly, eh? Also, Cash >>> Mirabelli. And now Cora singles to center! OK, let's keep this going. Jack-a-bee time. No, Miller didn't say that. But I think it sounds cool. And Ellsbury lines out to Delmon for out #1. Here comes Dusty. And he hits a grounder to short. To second for one, but the throw to first is wild and Cash scores making it 7-3! Pedroia to second. Miller just called Pedroia "fleet of foot." Um, no. Runner on 2nd two down for Papi. And he walks for Youk. He could make this a game again rrrreeeallly quickly. And he rips one to 3rd that eats up Lamb! Pedroia scores from second on a nice slide, and it's 7-4. And first and second again for Lowell. Lowell is working a nice AB here...but then whiffs. Sox get 3 back though, and this is a game again. 7-4 Twins.
This is not how this game started at all. Was shaping up to be a pitcher's
fuck duel, at least through the first inning and a half, but now it looks like this is gonna come down to the bullpens. Sox are already into theirs, and the Twins are gonna be in theirs rather soon I think. Hilarious moment during the Francona interview...Ortiz is posing behind him, and Tito catches him and says he'll kick his ass. I love this team. Tavarez dealing with the top here and Gomez. And Joolz catches him looking. Nice pitch, one down. Tolbert with a soft tapper to the mound. Tavarez doesn't roll it to first, but looks like he thought about it. 2 outs. Tavarez's stuff looks good in the early going. A lot of movement and sink on his pitches. I was just about to comment on how he's throwing strikes as well, but he quickly walks Mauer to shut me up. And now Morneau singles to center and Mauer goes to 3rd. Shit, this inning was looking easy. Now Aardsma is getting loose. 3-0 on Cuddyer. Fuck shit piss. Walks him. Shit fuck piss cunt shit poop. Bases loaded, 2 down for Monroe. And on 3-1 he hits a grounder to Lowell, who boots it and it's 8-4 Twins. Weird hop. Did I mention how much I love artificial surface? And Delmon grounds to Youk, nice play. He flips to Tavarez and the 4th is over. Twins grab another one, 8-4.
Drew grounds out to MOR-no unassisted, 1 down. Coco hits a soft looper to center but Gomez tracks it down, two away. Ugh. And Cash whiffs and it's a 1-2-3 inning for Blackburn. Double ugh.
Gratuitous Urban Dictionary link courtesy of HzMLS: superman. Superman that hooooo! Speaking of hos, the ejected fan also requests that I link this: clown car. Gross. Aardsma in. Lamb flies to left for the first out. Everett pops to second. Joe Morgan is now talking about how quickly a hitter has to make a decision to swing. They're showing graphics with a clock showing how many fractions of a second it takes for the ball to reach the plate. Morgan is trying to describe the time differences and it is embarrassing. Listening to him talk about numbers is like listening to a 5-year old talk about astrophysics. Gomez strikes out, and hey! A 1-2-3 inning! Blog it!
Cora leads off and cranks one off the baggie for a leadoff double. The Twins have a wall made of a baggie. I'll let that sink in as Ellsbury grounds to 2nd, Cora to 3rd. The Twins pen is busy again. I can't believe Blackburn has made it this far, frankly. Pedroia pulls a double-whammy, as he grounds to 3rd and doesn't get the run home. Boo. Here's Ortiz. And he strikes out looking. Ortiz doesn't like the call, but it looked pretty good from here. Leadoff double and no runs, this just isn't the night for the Sox. But...The Twins have a wall made of a baggie!!!
Tolbert grounds to Pedroia to lead off the inning. Joe Morgan stumbles through Mothers Day wishes. Can the man say anything clearly? Mauer lines one to left...Ellsbury dives but can't get it and Mauer has a single. Now Morneau. Timlin getting loose. That is pretty much the equivalent of waving the white flag. Nothing I'd like more than to blog Timlin giving up seven or so runs. Morneau walks, and two on with one out. I'm sleepy. And now Morgan is saying MOR-no and HOO-lee-in!!! I'm just dying for Miller to refer to the D-Backs veteran pitcher as Randy Huan-SOWN (rhymes with Ponson). And Cuddyer grounds into a double-play, Cora unassisted to Youk. Another scoreless inning!
Blackburn out, Matt Guerrier in. Youk hits a grounder up the middle, diving stop by Everett who throws him out. Very nice play. Lowell fouls to first. Ass-ugly night for him so far. J.D. Drew changes his equally ugly night by singling to right. Coco now. And he cranks one deep and gone! Over the baggie! And it's now 8-6! The Twins have a wall made of a baggie! Cash money now, ya dig? And he grounds to 3rd, but this game just got slightly more interesting! 8-6 Twins.
Aardsma out, Timlin in. Well it's about to get less interesting again as a new chapter of The Adventures of Mike Timlin is written. Here's Monroe. And he promptly homers, 9-6 Twins. Mike Timlin is an absolute disgrace, the Sox really need to show him the door. He is a complete shell of what he once was. Young grounds to short. 1 out. Lamb pops to right for the 2nd out. And Everett grounds to short, and wow, Timlin only gives up one! You're 42, retire!
Guerrier out, Reyes in. Cora up, he has a single and a double tonight. Between him and Coco, I noticed they have combined for the cycle. And Cora with another single! And good god Reyes is fat. Get that man a salad. Jacoby now. And he flies to left, and his night of suck continues. Not many Sox having a good night here. Nathan getting loose, but probably won't be in until the 9th. And Pedroia grounds into a 6-4-3 DP and I sigh and look at my watch.
I will stick this one out, loyal readers! This is the first live blog here at The Ejected Fan, but it will not be the last. And the great thing about live blogs is you can't get kicked out. Gomez leads off and lines to right. Timlin still in, so...hey! An out! Tolbert hits a little bloop that Cora makes a nice running catch on, running to left with his back to the plate. Very nice.
OK. The following exchange just took place:
Miller: That was Vizquel-like.
Morgan: Speaking of that, when is Vizquel coming back?
Miller: He came back yesterday.
Morgan: Oh, he did?
Awkward moment, but not surprising in the least. Miller also mentioned that Vizquel had a 3-hit game in his first game back. As in, hey Joe, you probably should have known that. Like, it's your fucking job. Francona realizes it's a rare occasion when Timlin retires 5 straight so he quickly pulls him and we go to the lefty Lopez to face Mauer. And he cranks one to left slicing towards the line, and Jacoby makes a sick sliding catch! Wow, a great play. Full speed, lays out on a ball that was ripped and moving away from him. Inning over. Miller: Somebody call a cop! Mauer got robbed!
Well this should be it. Nathan in, Ortiz up. And he grounds to first. Nathan covers, one down. Youk rips one, Everett makes a sick diving stop, but no change to get Youkie, infield hit. Some solid D tonight though. Great effort from Everett. Here's Lowell, whose night hasn't been entirely sucktastic; he does have a sac fly. They show Manny in the dugout and he has a bat. Interesting. Lowell working a nice AB here, fouling off pitch after pitch after pitch. And he wins the battle and singles! Youk to 3rd, Drew up, and Manny has a helmet! Will he hit for Crisp? Morgan thinks no, Morgan thinks he'll hit for Cash. And as usual, Morgan is wrong. Manny on deck to hit for Coco, who had a damn good night by the way. But Drew first, and he is the tying run. Drew rips one to center, and it's over Gomez's head! It's a double, and Youkilis scores, making it 9-7! Runners on 2nd and 3rd for Manny! That was smoked, and I'm now on the edge of my seat. And there's a change. Coco up now, Manny on deck for Cash. Morgan was right for once. Coco hits one to the mound, off Nathan, and he sticks with it and throws Drew out at 3rd! Ouch. Lowell scores making it a one-run game, 9-8. Coco reaches at first, but that out at 3rd was big. Tying run now at first, but it's Coco who has some wheels. And Manny at the plate. Fasten your seatbelts. Coco goes....and he steals second! OK, it was strike one, but he's in scoring position for Manny now. Sick speed. Do they put Manny on now? They will not. Cora on deck, are you on drugs, Gardenhire? And Manny grounds to short, Everett makes the play, game over.
Well, that was more exciting at the end than I expected, so I guess that was cool. It was fun, fans. Final score, 9-8 Twins.